Case study: from constant fear and overthinking about quitting, to a board member position (and excited about it!)
My client R has chosen to remain anonymous. She is an engineer with a PhD and a successful career in a large public company. After more than 20 years in the same organisation, she reached out when she felt increasingly saturated by doing the same work and unsure whether it was time to leave.
1. What was your situation when we started working together? What was the hardest part for you in your work or career at that time?
I couldn’t decide on my own whether I should stay in a company where I had been for over 20 years or move on to something new. I was dissatisfied, but not dissatisfied enough to simply pull up the anchor and leave.
Basically, I was constantly questioning myself: is what I’m doing enough for me? Should I look for something else—maybe within the same company in a different role, or somewhere entirely new?
I was going through the motions at work simply because I had been doing it for 20 years, not because I had consciously decided, “This is my choice, and I’m here because I want to be.”
Instead, I was constantly weighing my options: should I stay or not? After 20 years, where would I even go? I had never done anything else in my life!
2. How did this inner turmoil manifest in your life?
It showed up as constant questioning—having to make the same decision for myself every single day. What I needed was clarity, so that I could actively make that decision instead of reacting to constant inner turmoil. I wanted the decision to be mine and conscious.
In the last few years, my motivation varied a lot from day to day. On days when I felt aligned and clear, I was motivated. On days when the questioning came back, the motivation disappeared. I was always on that scale—either giving my all or not giving it at all.
This constant questioning affected not only my work, but also my relationships and overall satisfaction.
This dissatisfaction spilled over into my private life. I couldn’t simply leave work at three or four o’clock and detach completely. I carried it home, and it sometimes affected family members who had nothing to do with the situation. It really flowed through all areas of my life.
I was constantly in my head, thinking about it all alone. I tried to solve it myself, but without input from others, I was stuck in the same loop, going over the same questions and the same answers. Most of the time, this showed up as shutting myself off.
People around me noticed. They would ask, “What’s wrong? Why are you so quiet? What’s going on in your head?” That is how it showed up—mostly as constant thinking and being trapped in my own head.
3. What was the biggest insight or shift you gained through our work? What is different or better now?
What mattered most to me in our work together was getting a completely fresh perspective: a new way of looking at what had been bothering me. The sense that things could be viewed differently, from an angle I had not considered before, was the biggest refresh for me.
During our sessions, I had several moments of real epiphany: “Of course—why am I looking at it this way?”
The biggest realisation was that the change I was looking for did not have to be a radical, revolutionary life change. Even deciding to stay where I am is fine, as long as the decision is mine.
That perspective was something I really needed. I could not have reached it alone, spinning in circles with the same thoughts.
Fear was the biggest blocker of my change. I learned that many of these fears are irrational—perhaps inherited from childhood—and that when you really examine them, they lose much of their power.
Because of that, you have to move. You cannot solve everything just in your head. You need to open up to the outside world. That gave me the courage to start taking action: updating my CV, putting it out there a little, without immediately thinking I had to quit my job or make a drastic move.
I could cast a line and see what the world outside looked like. Maybe I would conclude that I really am happy where I am—but then I would know. I had tried, seen and experienced it.
I do not have to have all the answers immediately, and that is okay. This is a process, not something that happens overnight. That was an insight I had not expected: widening the tunnel vision I had and realising there are multiple ways forward.
What I feel now is relief. I am not so stuck in my head anymore, and I can see there are different ways to arrive at an answer. I am actively doing something: working on my CV, looking at options on LinkedIn and connecting with people.
I am addressing my current uncertainty. I would not even call it a big problem—just a current dilemma. I now have tools to work towards a goal. That immediately lifted the burden of having to make a final decision right now.
And the best part is that I came to these insights myself, with Anita’s guidance. They are mine because I arrived at them. That is what I really liked. When insights are yours, you integrate them, live with them and they become part of you.
The professional guidance combined with my own discovery was exactly what I needed. I could not have done it alone; I had been stuck in that vicious circle for a long time.
4. How has this affected your thinking, decision-making and approach to work and life?
Now I feel much more relaxed. I do not see every task as life-or-death anymore. I feel more willing to take risks.
I have freed myself from fear—fear of what others will say or think. I have also freed myself from the need to have all the final, perfect answers. I allow myself to say, “I don’t know yet,” and it is okay to ask someone to wait while I figure out what I think.
I have opened up more towards others. I have genuinely relaxed.
The exercises we did around saboteurs were especially valuable. They opened my eyes to why I do certain things the way I do. I became aware of character traits I had not realised I had, which gave me a new understanding of my own behaviour.
Before, I did not know where some reactions came from. Now I can identify them, recognise them and respond differently if needed. Or, if I react in the same way, I understand why.
Those insights helped me release a lot of fear and understand why and how I react to certain things. Because of that, I am more relaxed in relationships and tasks. I give myself permission to take risks and try things I used to avoid out of fear.
I know myself better now, and that helps me approach challenges at work and in relationships differently.
“I am free of the fear of judgment, of what others may think of me.”
A lot of this has carried over into my home life. I can express myself more openly, say things out loud and let go of fear in relationships with others. Work and home are not separate—they influence each other.
For me, it was about letting go of that closed-off state and allowing myself to speak openly about what I think, feel and need.
And none of the fears I had about negative consequences actually materialised. None of the things I was afraid would happen when I behaved differently actually happened—and that is incredibly liberating.
